The Waiter

by Julianna Squicciarini

Some of you heard the humorous and interesting story about Tim the Waiter at Maggiano’s Little Italy. How his excellent service, charm, and depth took us by surprise. How we vowed to return and request him, since he was so good.  It has recently [as in, yesterday] come to our attention that Tim the Waiter no longer serves the general public at Maggiano’s Little Italy. He is gone without a trace; he has vanished into thin air, never to be seen or heard of again. We don’t even have a last name…or a phone number…or <sob> an email address! And so ends our fascination with Tim the Waiter, sadly. At a depressingly dead end. We’re close to offering a reward…


5 thoughts on “The Waiter

  1. As this post has finally been written, I have come to the personal decision to throw down selfish pride, and out with the truth.

    In my jealous rage, brought upon by my protective spirit, I have kidnapped Tim, the waiter. As it was no simple task, it will be equally as difficult to return to his former glory. He is being held under unfailing guard in my lair, a hidden goldmine in eastern Spain.

    I am willing to return him for the small ransom of £150,000,000.00, as I’m sure you would agree he is worth. Failure to pay by 10 March will result in brutal defacement. Failure to pay by 11 March will result in immediate termination of Tim the Waiter.

    You have heard our terms. We will not tire, we will not falter, we will not fail.


  2. If my claims about insignificant squabble such as Tim can even be deemed worthy enough to be called ‘Truth’, yes. Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of curiosity. My crime is that of judging people by what they say and think, not what they look like. My crime is that of outsmarting you, something that you will never forgive me for.

    People willing to trade their freedom for security deserve neither and will lose both.


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