I spent a few hours at the airport today with Julianna while we waited for Christine to complete the introductory USO training class and be fingerprinted (yes, they’re running a background check on her…she looks suspiciously nervous about it. Hmm…). We had endless options for ways to amuse ourselves, so in true Squicciarini fashion we chose to place ourselves in the most prominent place (dead center of the airport, close to the staircase) and divide our time between people-watching and having a thoughtful conversation. We were astounded nearly to the point of speechlessness that in two hours we didn’t see anyone we knew. However, I came to a conclusion after observing this random “slice” of the American populace…and I think I convinced Julianna to agree with me.
Trousers were never meant for the feminine form.
And I’m serious! OH MY GOODNESS have you LOOKED at what women are wearing these days? The average woman certainly isn’t thin – I mean, we struggle with obesity in America, right? – and she will almost always wear pants that are FAR from flattering. This is terrible. To be honest I didn’t realize how severe the problem was until today, as we watched literally hundreds of women walk by in pants that were the wrong size (horrors) or the wrong, um, cut. Based on this, and the fact that clothes are one of the most obvious signs of distinction, I believe we as women were intended to wear skirts (in public at least). Not skirts like a torn scrap of denim shorter than its own pockets… but skirts that are graceful and twirly and pretty. Men look good in pants. They’re supposed to! Most women don’t. I admit some do… but they’re few and far between. I read an article once by a woman who finally realized after a lifetime of shopping that blue jeans would never look good on her, so she stopped wearing them entirely. Articles like that one are balanced, of course, by the designers who try to sell us on the idea that if we will just pay $550, we can have the perfect pair of jeans that make us look like supermodels. Which side sounds more reasonable?
A few years ago my dad was into the whole MY DAUGHTERS SHOULD WEAR SKIRTS WHENEVER POSSIBLE mentality, and if you tried to walk out the door in pants he’d say “ARE YOU GOING OUT IN MEN’S PANTALOONS??” It was actually kind of funny. I don’t know if he ever realized how comical he sounded, although the point was usually well-taken.
You know, if every woman in America was in a skirt, and every man was in pants, we’d never have to awkwardly consult a friend about whether that person over there is male or female. Life would be so much simpler.
This doesn’t mean I’m getting rid of my pants. I have a few favorite pairs. But I do think that G-d gave Adam fig pants and Eve a fig skirt.